This is my all time favorite picture of Allen and I together. It is also my favorite picture of Allen ever! It was taken at his welcome home ceremony after his first deployment to Iraq on Veteran's Day 2006. It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since I've seen this man, the one I married.I don't often allow myself to go down this road. It is painful and raw. I miss the man he used to be. The silly, fun loving, laid back, goofy, happy man I married. I look at this picture and I see such a difference from who he was then, to who he is now. Occasionally I see glimpses of this guy, but they are few and far between and are often more painful than happy. They remind me of what we've lost and that the trauma he has faced will haunt him forever.
The other side to this though, is that it makes me thankful. I'm thankful that although he's changed so much, he is still here. I'm thankful that I get to still share my life with him, even though it's not quite the way it was before. I'm thankful that my kids still get to have their dad in their life. I'm thankful he's alive. I know many others are not that fortunate and I never want to take that for granted. I know that God brought him home for a greater purpose and has a plan for his life.
And, even though, I often miss who he used to be, I love who he is now just the same. We've had lots of growing to do, learning, and adjusting, but we are still here, holding on. It's not been an easy road, but one I would gladly walk down again, as long as I can do it with him. I've learned, that what is truly important in life is family!
Even Now......Gina
Thank you for sharing this. :)
ReplyDeleteI understand your feelings, my husband left in 2003-2004, then again in 2005-2006 with only 9 months in between the two deployments. He has changed so much, an even though he isn't clinically diagnosed with PTSD, he has many signs and symptoms, nightmares, can't sleep, doesn't go out stays at home, isn't social anymore, has a quick temper, doesn't like noise. I love my man so much, but that's what life is about change.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know my boyfriend "before"... but I see the fun loving, goofball and then when he has his "bad days"... it's totally different. Dr Jekyll, Mr Hyde. Thank you for sharing this. *hug*
ReplyDelete