Through all of this I also know that Allen has really been struggling. We went about five days without even talking at all, which is not normal. While he's been in California, we have talked almost everyday, until last week. I was struggling, he was struggling, not a great combination for good communication between the two of us! Thankfully, this week has been much better on many fronts!
I talked to Allen this afternoon and was really encouraged after our call. He is still really struggling but it is to be expected as he is working really hard processing some of his most difficult trauma. He actually told me that he shared with his group stuff that he thought he would take to his grave with him. He shared stuff that he really thought he would never tell anyone. This made me so excited it was crazy! I think this is an incredible break through in his therapy. I know that he will never be cured and that PTSD is something that we will always have to live with. However, I also know that he can get it better and learn some coping strategies that will greatly reduce the symptoms and the extent to which it affects our lives. I am really excited to know that he is sharing parts of his trauma that he never thought he would. I think this is huge to him getting some control of his life back! And let me just say, I can't imagine how bad this particular stuff he is talking about must have been. I say this because I have been in most of his therapy sessions for the last three years, and I have heard stuff you can't even imagine. It is hard for me to believe that he had so much more, that was worse than what he had already shared. It makes me excited that he is willing and able to share it now, in a safe environment. I think I am also glad that I didn't have to be in the session where he shared. Not that I wouldn't listen, but man, he's been a part of horrible trauma and I'm not sure I need to hear it all. And, while it makes me excited and hopeful, it also breaks my heart that he has to live with such horrific memories.
I just wanted to share what might be a turning point in my families life. It may not end up being as big of a key as I think it might, we will just have to wait and see. But, I am hopeful!! I am also so proud of the hard work that my husband is doing. I know that he truly wants to get better and that we are much of the reason he wants this so badly. His strength and determination continues to amaze me!